Life on the streets was hard. Too many bad things surrounded me and my little family. Thievery, abuse, harassment, addictions and a feeling of want were among my biggest problems. Being a single mother with two young children never helped the situation either. I always wanted to prove myself and do something with my life, but drugs pulled me under the surface. I could feel myself drowning in my addictions. There was no way to quit, and no way to hold a stable job because of that. You can only guess what came next, but you do not need to guess. Heroin slowly lured me into the worst years of my life.
I remember my first day in hell as if it was just yesterday. The old splintered park bench was not much of a bed, but I had to accept sleeping on much worse surfaces after that; to be exact, the next day. Living your life without friends or family for support must make you crazy because the old man who removed me from my temporary bed claimed that the bench was his summer home. To make matters even more strange, it was clearly winter. Fluffy white snow encompassed the ground like a large blanket. The last thing I needed was a blanket of freezing snow! But, I had to learn to accept the situation fast.
I slept one more day without the comforts of the home I once enjoyed, after stopping off at the nearby soup kitchen of course, and decided that finding a temporary shelter was my next priority. My children could not survive too long in these conditions. Staying at the nearest shelter did more than just provide me and my kids with a roof to sleep under; it opened up my eyes. I had never realized how many homeless people lived in D.C. until I had become one myself. The number of people was my first realization, but certainly not my last. I would soon learn that the simple world that I once enjoyed was like paradise compared to this chaotic one.
It was nice to know that at least some people who enjoyed that heavenly lifestyle cared for some of the less fortunate people of the world, but observing peoples’ kindness was, sadly, not going to help me with the new obstacle that I had to deal with at the time. I counted my most pertinent issues and found only two that I had not already dealt with; finding money and getting dope. I look back and I see a third, much more important priority; finding help for my problem. The obstacles seemed large at the time, but I managed to conquer them all eventually. How I did so is not important though, so let’s leave that part of this story out, shall we?
Moving from shelter to shelter was not a problem because I did not care where we were, considering everywhere was horrible in its own way, and neither did the kids. We eventually found a nice house to squat in, obviously not alone, but that was expected. It was a decent size place and gave me the feeling of freedom once again, but that moment of happiness did not last long. In D.C., and I’m sure in many other large cities, being destitute of a home seemed illegal. The popo temporarily threw us in jail for almost everything; they threw us in jail for sleeping on public property, they through us in jail for squatting in abandoned houses, and they threw us in jail for being drunk or high in public. The world disappoints you, takes away the life you once knew, and shuns you because of it.
I gathered enough money to buy a cheap car, again, do not ask how because I will not tell you. It was decent for the price, but we were not using it to drive anyways. This was our new home; an old Ford Taurus. I never was a fan of Ford when I actually owned property and had a job, but I could not afford to get picky (no pun intended). A death trap waiting to happen; that is all my life ever was. The car seemed to be the only object that would keep me from dying out here while at the same time it was the only thing that would make me feel as if I had the equality I believed that I deserved.
I remember sleeping on the sidewalks the second day after I lost my rights as a human being. It was frigid, lonely, and spiteful. The bitter cold froze my every joint from head to toe. Cold stares burned into my body as the cool and warm feelings mixed with each other. A tremor shook my body. The last thing I remember seeing on that day was a man walk across the street. I asked him for help. I had only been gone for a little over a day but I felt so lost and confused. I pled and pled, but the man never once moved his head, or eyes for that matter, in my general direction, or any direction that may have contained my unworthy presence. Now that I didn’t own property, I was no longer considered a human in the eyes of property-owners. Drugs were the only thing I could turn to at this point. Black tar was my only friend.
I skipped over how I got the money to shoot up. Do you feel left out, as if you’re missing part of the story? Well don’t; This will resolve it all. It will make you wish that you’d never heard anything at all. The wind rustles the leaves of the tree, but the life you hear in the rustling is all sentenced to death once fire becomes part of the equation. One night, not too long ago, a man was speeding down the road and swerving from left to right repetitively. It was a miracle, at least to the people who witnessed the accident, that he did not hit any other cars other than a parked one that was thought to be vacant at the time of the crash. Why no one helped is an enigma to me. A car is on fire and no one cared to call for help. Water is the source of all life, but you can’t save a life in a drought. Why was that drought surrounding me at that very moment? Life and death passed by me as if I was never born, and I left the world the same way I entered it; empty handed.
Life is not always how it seems from the home. I always took my happiness for granted. The only solid aspects of life are ignorance and stupidity. It does not matter if you’re a scientist, writer, or philosopher; we all have it and show it from time to time. And what of the man who ended my life and the life of my kids? Well he was indeed one of the three, but which one doesn’t matter. All that does matter is the fact that he, despite being known for his brilliance in his specific field, made a stupid choice and ended three lives in a matter of minutes. Life fades away in an instant and years of living in this world is forgotten instantly.
She calls out to the man on the street
"Sir, can you help me?
It's cold and I've nowhere to sleep,
Is there somewhere you can tell me?"
He walks on, doesn't look back
He pretends he can't hear her
Starts to whistle as he crosses the street
Seems embarrassed to be there
Oh think twice, it's another day for
You and me in paradise
Oh think twice, it's just another day for you,
You and me in paradise
She calls out to the man on the street
He can see she's been crying
She's got blisters on the soles of her feet
Can't walk but she's trying
Oh think twice...
Oh lord, is there nothing more anybody can do
Oh lord, there must be something you can say
You can tell from the lines on her face
You can see that she's been there
Probably been moved on from every place
'Cos she didn't fit in there
Oh think twice...
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